When you die, which body part dies last?

The pupils, they dilate.

 

What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!!!

 

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef!

 

I know all the digits of π,

I just don't know the order

 

My boss told me to have a good day...

So I went home

 

Teacher asks Jonny to make a sentence with the word verdwyn.

His answer...Rassie said to Eben as it getackle word, moet jy die bal verdwyn vermuelen pass..

 

How do you tell the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down it's Genes

 

So Freddie, how many cakes will you be baking?

I want to bake free.

 

Yesteday i was sick and stayed home. the following day my boss asked me what was wrong.

I told him i had and eye disease and could not see myself coming to work.

 

Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results...

...has obviously never had to reboot a computer.

 

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

 

Have you heard of the new movie called Constipation?..

It hasn't come out yet.

 

How do you tell the sex of tortoise?

Flip it

 

A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says,

"five beers, please!"

 

How did the two Khoisan people know they were in love?

They just clicked.

 

what did one leg say to the other leg ?

be careful, there is a bum following us.

 

When God was handing out chins,

I thought I heard gin, so I asked for a double.

 

"What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!!!"

 

What is cheese without a cracker?

Crackalackin’

 

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeño business.

 

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere!

 

When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed.

The accident was a Fender bender.

 

What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

“GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

 

What do they call people from Hamburg?

Humburgers

 

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing

 

Why did the coffee file a police report?....

Because it got mugged

 

What type of bee can't make up it's mind?...

A maybe

 

What kind of petrol does Vin use.......?

Diesel

 

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look, I’m about to change.

 

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

 

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

 

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

 

How did the two Khoisan people know they were in love?

They just clicked

 

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,

are they guilty of resisting a rest?

 

Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?

No sun

 

What's the difference between a 'Hippo' and a 'Zippo'?

The one is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

 

What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemonaid

 

What is a typical diet of a sea monster?

Fish and ships

 

I forgot to turn off the oven yesterday, but it's OK - I just got some Darth Vader cookies

A bit on the dark side

 

How does an attorney sleep?

First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other

 

Is your iPad making you fall asleep?

I can help—there’s a nap for that

 

What was Forrest Gump's email password?

"1forrest1"

 

What do you call a cow with no legs:

Lean beef

 

When God was handing out chins

I thought I heard gin, so I asked for a double.

 

Want to hear a joke about paper?

Nevermind its tearable.

 

Why did the DJ place the Speakers behind the Door?

So that the system can Klop!

 

Have you heard of the new movie called Constipation?

... It hasn't come out yet.

 

So, a horse walks into a bar

The barman says: Why the long face?

 

If you don't pay your exorcist

Do you get repossessed...?

 

Two cheese vans ran into each other...

De brie was everywhere

 

The best way to get back on your feet is...

To miss a couple of car payments

 

What kind of exercise to lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

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